I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
