Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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