My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
