just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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