we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
