I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize