In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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