she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
