I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
