dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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