Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
