Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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