You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
