Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
