i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
