idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
