the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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