remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize