Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize