when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Alive.
So much puke
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
