Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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