Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
