Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
