11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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