I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
