I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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