dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
