Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
