Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
