He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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