Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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