the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
