i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize