yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
