I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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