I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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