ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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