Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
