some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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