don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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