but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
