Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
do herpes really smell.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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