i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
