Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
