I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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