He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
