sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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