I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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