Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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