whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
