Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
