I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize