In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
