well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
