I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
