I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize