I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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