You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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