May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
