Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
