My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
