How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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