the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
