Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
