i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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