Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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