But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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