She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
