i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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