"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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