Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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