i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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