Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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