We named our party play list daddy issues
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
