i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
