tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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