Umm I'm too high to move.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
