Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
