I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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